The Women of OZ: Depression, Hormones and Masking… Oh My!

A late diagnosis of a neurodivergent condition feels like a gift from the Wizard. We’ve had it all along, but we just needed the right person to point it out.

I have spoken with a LOT of women lately who were diagnosed as neurodivergent in their late twenties/early thirties and beyond. Every single one of them felt their life change the day they got their diagnosis.

In fact, the way many women find out that they are neurodivergent is through the process of their kids being diagnosed. This happens when they are shepherding their kid through the diagnostic process; they find themselves answering “yes” to questions that aren’t being asked of them directly.

It’s a very common story!

But just because it is common doesn’t mean it is right.

Because little girls don’t often bounce out of their chairs like the stereotypical little boy with ADHD who is the class clown, but who sometimes causes quite a ruckus…. they are overlooked. The symptoms don’t match what teachers, clinicians, and families have been taught to watch for.

Does she disrupt the class? No. Is she a social butterfly who is DEEPLY (sometimes disproportionately) affected by the class pet being ignored? Very likely.

Looking beyond the obvious and all-too-common story of the need for medical feminism and representation of women in medical studies, we see that women have not been/were not considered in the establishment of diagnostic criteria for things like ADHD, autism, dyslexia, etc.

When I was diagnosed at age 30 with ADHD and social anxiety (I honestly had NO idea), my life completely changed for the better. With the right medication and strategies to manage, I was able to harness my neurodivergence into building something (hello, I&E). That’s another common story among people after a late diagnosis – the existential shift it had in people’s lives. Remember my favourite analogy: there is enormous power in knowing you’re a zebra and not a broken horse.

And while it is amazing that society is beginning to recognize these things earlier and earlier in women and teens, the many (MANY) women who received late diagnoses have gone through decades of “figuring it out”.

For me, here’s what figuring it out looked like by age 30:

• Having developed major depressive disorder (MDD) and anxiety from constant masking & misunderstandings

• Binge eating disorder**** à disordered eating due to undiagnosed neurodivergence is another blog post on its own. We’ll revisit.

• Self-medication routines

• Rejection sensitivity dysphoria

• Never feeling quite good enough on a deep level; almost, but not quite enough

• Surviving, but not at all thriving
  

I was living every day with a black cloud of crippling anxiety and despair constantly floating over my head. It felt like an elephant had its foot on the base of my neck. I had a lump in my throat at all times, but never wanted to actually cry.

It was physically hard to breathe.

By the time I was diagnosed with ADHD, I had been misdiagnosed with depression and anxiety for years. I was treating the wrong thing. The anxiety and MDD were caused by years of “figuring out” how to live as a neurodivergent person who wasn’t given the manual to living in a neurotypical world.

Women and neurodivergence are connected in a way that is significantly deeper than what we see in society on the surface.

There are more of us than we even know, and we are changing the ways we ALSO don’t even know.

I look forward to not just moving the needle forward on spreading awareness about neurodivergence in women, but on shaping the way we look at the next generation and how we can intervene earlier, before the costs of being misdiagnosed or undiagnosed are too expensive.

Let’s keep talking about it!

One more thing... if you have a neurodivergent condition and are worried that seeking a diagnosis/any potential treatment will “dull your sparkle” (because HELL YES, you’re sparkly!), it won’t.

It will help you know yourself and live in a way that REALLY lets you shine.   

Love you, my neurodivergent babes.

Alex Knight

President & Neurodiversity Specialist

Iron & Ember Consulting

Written without AI